Visualizations and Extrapolations 6

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There’s Always Drama Behind Every Mellow Scene

So, you have returned to your favorite coffee shop, restaurant or drinking establishment, a place where you have had many satisfying experiences. As you settle into your the easy chair at your favorite spot, you might even recall favorable impressions from your other visits, like “this place is chill”. You might even remember daydreaming or going into alpha waves of relaxation and now associate that calmness with the ethos of you favorite venue.

But something is amiss today. As you became familiar with the management, staff and the regulars,

you began to notice things that were not readily apparent before. One of the servers is openly surly;

good service is rendered only to the beautiful people. One obnoxious regular blatantly glares at women customers. Another loud guy insinuates himself upon any conversation. The pompous businessman continues to make phone calls. The manager plays favorites among the staff; there seems to be sexual tension. And, what’s the deal on the hipster with the vacant stare who sits in a dark corner never saying a word? You have internalized subtle micro-expressions of discord. Your inevitable conclusion is that “This Place is Full of Drama”!

There is no end to the slew of examples of mellow scenes that mask dramatic behavior: Rock and Rollers, Entertainers, Politicians, Religious hypocrites, Investment Bankers, Philanthropists! Finally, we must consider the sensationalism of the Drama behind every mellow scene. The is even a genre in screenwriting for movies, theater and literature that says it all: Melodrama. An appeal to the emotions is made through contrived yet exciting scenes and action, with over the top characters having exaggerated language and outrageous behavior.

That there is a cycle of Drama and Mellowness must also be recognized. How is this cycle to be reckoned with, brought to a halt and reversed. Hopefully there is a way to restore a mellow scene from one of drama. Yea Right! Is there a way for mellow to come from drama? It does turn out that there is a pretty straightforward way of accomplishing the reversal. Let us look into the interpersonal dynamics of Drama: it is a downward spiral of emotions founded upon dark-side thinking. Founded on dark side thinking negativity, drama exists at a sociological and linguistic level, Drama cannot be attributed to philosophical or metaphysical or spiritual sentiments.

In opposition to the negativity of dark side, downward spiral thought is self actualization or self empowerment, you know, the stuff life coaches and Abraham Maslow talk about. But be careful, there is a dark side to self empowerment and self actualization teachings. Your life will never be perfect.

How is the cycle of initial mellow developing int final drama to be reckoned/reconciled with keeping an emotional balance in everyday life? There is even a name for this from the world of vaudeville theater and stage plays “melodrama”, where sensationalized and exaggerated characters and situationd tug on the heartstrings of your emotions.

Let us take a look into the interpersonal dynamics of drama, which is a form of downward spiral to the dark side thinking. The opposite of that kind of negative orientation would be self empowerment or the empowerment of others. One certain way of halting the ongoing negativity of drama would be to remove one’s self from the problematic situation entirely. But is it really that bad? After all there must be a way to learn and grow as an individual from these petty antagonisms. Sometimes drama results from not simply paying attention. That’s when things get out of hand, go too far and cannot be dealt with in a reasonable and timely way.

It would be wonderful if we could ward off bad energy by surrounding ourselves with supportive and ethically mature individuals who do not engage in displays of ill will. This may not always be possible and isn’t it the truth that everyone has a dark side. Carl Jung has referred to everyone’s dark side as the their shadow self. He makes a convincing verbal argument, however it falls short of being provable scientifically. Jung’s theory reveals a paradox of the psyche: that “your dark side is your spirit friend”.

It is a common self defeating behavior to become enamored with one’s oppressor, to strive to please someone who cannot be pleased, and to affirm their dominion by allowing one’s self to be subjugated. It turns out that to acknowledge tyranny and become subservient would be to participate in the creation of your own drama. So the sad fact of drama behind every mellow scene is that one pretty much pro-actively allows that drama to happen, if not outright creating that drama in their own mind.

It is so easy to allow ones self to be sucked into downward spirals of negativity. It has become an act of instinctive self preservation to identify, ward off and extricate one’s self from negativity. Moreso, one must be ever vigilant in order to prevent the intrusion of self inflicted drama.

There is good reason to take caution and avoid being lackadaisical, even while enjoying a mellow scene. Be wary of the presence of ill will, downward spiral thinking and malcontent from duplicitous personalities, especially when there is the pretense of camaraderie. The being a “nice person” approach is not real, it is a pretense and one would be self-delusional to play along. So it is OK to be angry, very angry. Your self affirming message from your dark side shadow self is that one must make sport out of standing up to a bully.

Where drama exists there is a festering vortex of ill will and negativity which has very real potential to suck you in. But wait a minute! Could it be you-yourself that is actually the creator of all this drama? Could it be that the drama is an explosive result of your own repressed dark side shadow self. Your own facade of being mellow has been busted! Could it be that the bothersome regular and the malevolent barista are acting out from their own dark side of subjugated unconscious feelings? Could downward spirals become blessings in disguise from which all involved can learn empowerment?

Emotional energy is not real in the push pull of interpersonal dynamics unless unless one allows it to be an active force. However the shadow self of the subconscious, your dark side, which you live in denial of, is as much a part of your interpersonal dynamic as conscious behavior is. Most drama can be dismissed as deceitful gossip like the sticks and stones aphorism goes: Words can never hurt me. A resolve to take the high road must include lessons from the dark side of shadow self: The urge to be generous is evidence of deep seated greed. One who sees laziness in other people is covering up for being lazy themselves,

The fallacy of justifying antagonistic means to an altruistic end is that the consequences of our actions cannot never be known for sure. There is never cause to perpetrate deliberate antagonism or to do anything that is less than the “golden rule” prescribes. Remain convinced in your own graciousness and you will be able to walk away clean when being confronted by downward spiral situations. One must understand that the paradox of the dark side instigates apparent drama in your own mind.

The bottom line is to be thankful for the drama behind the mellow since the eventual result might be impetus for personal development and self actualization. One might rationalize that the so called drama is an excusable result of immaturity, insecurities and defense mechanisms on the part of the perpetrator of the dramatics. This would be admirable since one must always give an adversary a way out. A policy of forgiveness is the upward spiral morally and ethically in all interpersonal interactions

There has to be some consideration about ones own sense of self worth and spirit survival from psychic vampires of negativity when a mellow scene turns dramatic. Perhaps there is sensationalized and exaggerated “acting out” on the part of a maladjusted personality going on. We can never know for sure what a socially antagonistic individual is going through personally. Maybe this is an anti-social performance originating from that person’s dark side “Shadow Self”. Could it be that the drama one senses coming from others is straightforward manipulative behavior on your part?

Restated, what if this drama has been created internally from your own dark side, your own shadow self, negative character traits in your own subconscious which you do not acknowledge to be a part of you personality? According to Jung, if one subordinates a bad character trait or reactionary response, one will likely project project that character flaw onto others. Perhaps what one finds so despicable in others is a repressed character trait of ones self, and this supposed drama is a mirror. All too often, socially antagonistic behavior is seen as problems owned exclusively by other people. But there is an interpersonal dynamic going on as well; the problem is at least mutual and ownership goes both ways.

Jung’s theory about the shadow self may be pseudoscience but has the advantage is being wisdom of the ages. Many indigenous cultures and especially Hindu teachings have traditions based on a [spirit] self. Modern Psychology expounds profusely about emotional self awareness and mindfulness as if it were the primary connection between physical and spiritual realms. Jung was writing with the best information of his day and much of early depth psychology was-developing and interpreting principles of anthropology/ Modern psychology does accept that our psyche is partially conscious and partially unconscious but adds [holistic] completion through a gradation from emotional to rational awareness.

Nevertheless, there is a distinct correlation between the “dark side” shadow self making itself knowable and the perceived emergence of drama in what was thought to be a mellow scene. The first bugaboo to consider is perfectionism. We are all taught that we need to be perfect and flawless in evry way. We all have perfectionist ideals even if we are reactionary to them. If there are character flaws, they must be hidden, suppressed and banished from [our] conscious reality. To insist on perfection from ones self or from the actions of others is to believe in an unattainable ideal and to make false presumptions about what happens in the real world.

Another “dark side” issue relevant to fomenting” drama” would be constant comparison of ones self to others. By the simple act of comparison, whether it be condescending or envious, the end result is that one is expressing dissatisfaction with ones own self. Remember, it’s not always about you, there usually is some other emotional or situational contingency causing socially antagonistic behavior on the part of others. One can never know for sure what that other person is going through, nor can we know with understanding what deep seated emotional afflictions from past circumstances have brought on their maladjustment.

Interpersonal dynamics imply that judgment of one’s self worth necessarily involves the judgment of worthiness of others. Problems with these kinds of judgments have roots in perfectionism. If ones self judgment is that ones “best is not good enough” then no one is or can be “good enough”. Would that self judgment be that one is superior in terms of worthiness, then once again a non-existent ideal of perfection is being honored. The boomerang effect of self judgment is that nothing is ever good enough and drama reigns supreme. Hence, the whole cycle of mellowness becoming dramatic is a product of our own insecurities as well as antagonist social behavior on the part of others.

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy by being hypercritical of ourselves. If one is constantly indulging in self judgment, it follows that one has doubts about t self worth and does not fully accept their own self. If one does not have self acceptance and positive affirmations about their own chRcter and capabilities; if one [indulges in] constant self-evaluation and self judgment, then it is most likely that kind of downward spiral emotional thinking extends to evaluation and judgment of others.

Sure, there is nothing wrong with a little effort towards personal development, but this hyper-criticism comes from the dark side mentality of trying to change yourself, your personal characteristics, your potential for positive interpersonal dynamics from the [reasoning] standpoint of not accepting who you really are. It might be in order to accept the fact that character flaws are an essential part of human nature and that everyone makes mistakes and has imperfections, that you your self are no exception. In fact, those flaws are a part of your own uniqueness an an individual.

The only way forward in personal development and improvement of character is to be compassionate with ones self and [make] these flaws beneficial. Any other way is living up to an illusion euphemistically known as “the power of positive self delusion”. The whole degeneration of a mellow scene into sensationalized dramatics stems from a subtle disruption of a precarious balance. It no doubt originates with/from mere power of suggestion instilling the belief/assumption that “something is wrong with this picture”. Once that unsettling feeling of “not being hip enough, not fitting in and not being accepted as a companion on a journey the monsters come out of the closet. There is no turning back from the inevitable vortex of downward spiral thinking. Maybe it is time for a break from false beliefs and assumptions.

There is an unwritten social contract that must be lived up to known as peer pressure. We are constantly told “do this, don’t do that” since the day we were born. There is an implicit caste system of status which all to often end up being a popularity contest. So what happens when one is ostracized by the “in Crowd”, when the hip and popular type A personalities reject you and run you off? Well, the obvious fact is that this kind of oppression results from their own insecurities as well as your own. In interpersonal dynamic has begun.

As a society and as a culture this kind of interpersonal dynamic has been going on since the earliest of civilizations. The stresses of “In Crowd-Out Crowd” domination and subjugation have become so ingrained in our own upbringing and culture that it is fair to say that we re living in a sick society. Incomprehensible behavioral boundaries have been imposed through the psychological manipulation of target marketing. We were taught from birth that we must fit in and being ostracized by “popular” society or even a hipster microcosm can initiate feelings of alienation.

Therefore self doubt, shame, self-loathing are symptoms of a sick society. We are living in a social culture which requires us to live up to the false pretense of being perfect. That unrealistic ideal foments socially antagonistic behavior. Perhaps if anxiety producing social mores and cultural “norms” were more attainable, there would not none of the insecurities that produce downward spiral dynamics. Our experiences of drama result from absorbing insecurities that have become sociologically ingrained and are culturally reinforced.

Subtle micro-expressions of socially antagonistic behavior will inevitably upset any harmonious balance of interpersonal relations. This dynamic is sometimes called peer pressure to alienation; it affects each and every participant. The problem with these kinds of experiences go back to the pretense of perfectionism. Judgment of one’s own self worth necessarily involves making judgments of the worthiness of others. Were we to self-judge that our own best is not good enough, it follows that no one is good enough. That would hold a self-judgment of our own superiority to a non-existent ideal of perfection has been implicitly idolized.

Fred Jay Ross fredjayross@gmail.com

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